*Today I haven't talk to anyone more than two words: "Hi" & "yes"!
I don't know why, maybe that's why I have nothing to say. Maybe I like to e silent or... I'm not in the mood. I don't know but sometime I think I'm two different people! One is always talking to everyone, making new friends, joking & laughing... & the other one is always silent, somehow strict and willing to be alone! I should confess sometimes I can't understand myself.

*Tonight is named "Laylatorraghaaeb"."Raghaaeb" - in arabic - is the plural of "raghiba'" which means "wish". That's why we simply call it "Wish Night"! I don't know what's going to happen tonight exactly but as I understood, it's a special time in a year. People fast, then make a wish list! and order God to do good thing to them!

It's somehow exciting! Imagine there's sth. you don't know exactly what.. but there is! and you are sure of its existence. Like special days in Ramadan, like when you are sure your dreams will come true.

I just wanted to suggest you to make a wish list and want God to help you. It's harmless :D

*I Finished "Oliver Twist" book!
As I remember, I'd seen some parts of its serial on TV 100 years ago and I did'nt like it. In fact I was afraid of all dirty places and disgusting people in the movie - specially old Fagin - but I don't know what had happened to me when I started to read the book. The stroy is really sad with lots of bad events but the ending is happy, like Indian movies!
I'll write the summary of the story one day. I mean maybe...

*It's almost impossible for me to talk on my cellphone - Sony Ericsson- when I'm at home but everyone who has a Nokia one here, can use it easily. I don't know exactly why. Maybe there's something wrong with the area we live in. By the way, it's not my fault and I didn't put the tel down on you. It went dead itself. But if you are not sure, it's not my problem because I'm telling you the truth. Whether we believe me or not, it's like that.

The Angel (I found it some days ago on the net!)
Hans Christian Andersen
Translation: Maryami (Here)

*Whenever a good child dies, an angel of God comes down from heaven, takes the dead child in his arms, spreads out his great white wings, and flies with him over all the places which the child had loved during his life. Then he gathers a large handful of flowers, which he carries up to the Almighty, that they may bloom more brightly in heaven than they do on earth. And the Almighty presses the flowers to His heart, but He kisses the flower that pleases Him best, and it receives a voice, and is able to join the song of the chorus of bliss.”

These words were spoken by an angel of God, as he carried a dead child up to heaven, and the child listened as if in a dream. Then they passed over well-known spots, where the little one had often played, and through beautiful gardens full of lovely flowers.

“Which of these shall we take with us to heaven to be transplanted there?” asked the angel.

Close by grew a slender, beautiful, rose-bush, but some wicked hand had broken the stem, and the half-opened rosebuds hung faded and withered on the trailing branches.

“Poor rose-bush!” said the child, “let us take it with us to heaven, that it may bloom above in God’s garden.”

The angel took up the rose-bush; then he kissed the child, and the little one half opened his eyes. The angel gathered also some beautiful flowers, as well as a few humble buttercups and heart’s-ease.

“Now we have flowers enough,” said the child; but the angel only nodded, he did not fly upward to heaven.

It was night, and quite still in the great town. Here they remained, and the angel hovered over a small, narrow street, in which lay a large heap of straw, ashes, and sweepings from the houses of people who had moved. There lay fragments of plates, pieces of plaster, rags, old hats, and other rubbish not pleasant to see. Amidst all this confusion, the angel pointed to the pieces of a broken flower-pot, and to a lump of earth which had fallen out of it. The earth had been kept from falling to pieces by the roots of a withered field-flower, which had been thrown amongst the rubbish.

“We will take this with us,” said the angel, “I will tell you why as we fly along.”

And as they flew the angel related the history.

“Down in that narrow lane, in a low cellar, lived a poor sick boy; he had been afflicted from his childhood, and even in his best days he could just manage to walk up and down the room on crutches once or twice, but no more. During some days in summer, the sunbeams would lie on the floor of the cellar for about half an hour. In this spot the poor sick boy would sit warming himself in the sunshine, and watching the red blood through his delicate fingers as he held them before his face. Then he would say he had been out, yet he knew nothing of the green forest in its spring verdure, till a neighbour’s son brought him a green bough from a beech- tree.

This he would place over his head, and fancy that he was in the beechwood while the sun shone, and the birds carolled gayly. One spring day the neighbour’s boy brought him some field-flowers, and among them was one to which the root still adhered. This he carefully planted in a flower-pot, and placed in a window-seat near his bed. And the flower had been planted by a fortunate hand, for it grew, put forth fresh shoots, and blossomed every year. It became a splendid flower-garden to the sick boy, and his little treasure upon earth. He watered it, and cherished it, and took care it should have the benefit of every sunbeam that found its way into the cellar, from the earliest morning ray to the evening sunset. The flower entwined itself even in his dreams—for him it bloomed, for him spread its perfume, and it gladdened his eyes. And it was to the flower that he turned, even in death, when the Lord called him. He has been one year with God. During that time the flower has stood in the window, withered and forgotten, till at length cast out among the sweepings into the street, on the lodgers’ removal day. And this poor flower, withered and faded as it is, we have added to our nosegay, because it gave more real joy than the most beautiful flower in the garden of a queen.”

“But how do you know all this?” asked the child whom the angel was carrying to heaven.

“I know it,” said the angel, “because I myself was the poor sick boy who walked upon crutches, and I know my own flower well.”

Then the child opened his eyes and looked into the glorious happy face of the angel, and at the same moment they found themselves in that heavenly home where all is happiness and joy. And God pressed the dead child to His heart, and wings were given him so that he could fly with the angel, hand in hand. Then the Almighty pressed all the flowers to His heart; but He kissed the withered field-flower, and it received a voice. Then it joined in the song of the angels, who surrounded the throne, some near, and others in a distant circle, but all equally happy. They all joined in the chorus of praise, both great and small,—the good, happy child, and the poor field-flower, that once lay withered and cast away on a heap of rubbish in a narrow, dark street.
THE END

There're some wounds which will never heal! Someone comes, says something, hurts ur feelings, and then easily goes...disregarding what will happen to u. Then u're stunned and just try to live ur ordinary life. But it's imposible, u know... Ur lips smile, ur eyes cry! And u're so proud u don't want anyblody feels wrong about u. I hate the way i'm living now!!

*U call me? I have loads of thoughts I can't get rid of! Need ur help.

*Yesterday my sister and I went to a nutritionist, just to take a diet program. When I went in, a tall, thin, middle-aged man weighed me , measured my length , and then wanted me to lie on a bed and started pushing my stomach! Actually he wanted to understand how much fat gathered there! There was nothing!! That was OK. But the other parts of my body...well... Any way! At the end he simply said I had to lose 15 (!!) Kilos to reach 43!! I just looked at him in a way which was distictly clear i thought he was crazy!! He gave me the program and firmly adviced me to dance 30 minutes a day!! Now u can imagine how funny i was this morning! It's enough to try to put me in a situation which i've always escaped from!!Gush! my dancing is improving!!The only thing's that there was no difference between me and a jumping monkey!!

Marmar

*I somehow put the phone down on you! It's wasn't my fault. I just did the right thing. I should have said "I don't like to talk to you anymore because you aren't faithful, dependable and brick# anymore. I wish you were."

P.S: Brick= (old-fashioned) A good person who you can depend on when you are in trouble.

*I miss Grandpa. I have just one photograph of you and lots of memories...

*I'd bought "Daddy-Long-Legs" book 2 months ago but I forget it after I returned home. Yesterday when I was tidying the room away, I found it and started to read.

Almost everyone who knows me a little, knows that I love writing and reading, specially letters.. and this books is full of letter, which are funny, full of emotions and somehow childish...

You can touch the precess in which Judy grows and learns lots of things about life and people and world. It was specifically interesting and lovely for me because I've had the same experience of having pen pals.

When the story was reaching to the end, I felt Daddy-Long-Legs is Uncle jervis! specially when both of them were ill at the same time, but I wasn't sure and I felt somehow silly! and when I knew it for sure, I was dreadfully excited and happy! Judy should have been over the moon by knowing that fact!

"Daddy Long Legs" is one of the loveliest book I've ever read. I won't forget today. Here are some sweet parts of Judy's letters to him:

*January 11th.

... I've found the true secret of happiness and that is to live now. Not be always thinking of the past or the future, but to get the most out of this every moment... Most people don't live. They just race through life. They are going to reach some point far away and while going to it, they forget to look at the beautiful country they are going through and then the first thing they know, is that they are old.

*October 3rd.

...The whole world seems empty without him (Master Jervis). I hate the moonlight because it's beautiful and he isn't here to see it with me...

*October 6th.
... I've been thinking of you so long that hardly believe you are a real person...

*Thursday morning (Her last letter)
To very dearest
... It was so dark in the room that for a moment, I couldn't see anything. Then I saw a big chair before the fire and I saw a man in it. Before I could stop him he rose... and then... and then... and then... I saw it was you.
But even then I didn't understand. I thought Daddy had made you come there to meet me for a surprise.
Then you laughed and held out your hand and said: "Dear little Judy! Couldn't you guess that I was Daddy-Long-Legs?" Oh, but I've been stupid...
Yours for ever and ever

P.S: This is the first Love-Letter I've ever wrote. Isn't it funny that I know how?

* It seems that u're angry with me! I'm sorry honey I didn't want to hurt u! But think just for a second,ok? I didn't make any promiss, did I?! I just told I would let u know my plan. I know myself dear. I won't promiss if I'm not sure about everything! Another thing's that it was really unfair if I'd told Mina I woulden't help her. U know?! She's such a kind lady who's always ready to help and u can always go to if u need sth. Don't u expect me to say NO to her when she needs me, do u??! Wasn't her need more important than anything else? Yes, I do accept ur plan was important too, but I really couldn't say no! Any way I'm terribly sorry and I hope u forgive me. Just for God sake answer my messages! I'm awfully excited!

* "Why did u send me that email?"
It was the hardest question I've ever been asked! I really didn't know why! can u believe it?! I just tied to concentrate and remember what happend exactly which made me that much worried and confused! then I realized why! IN the morning, when Mom told me he'd come back, she unexpectedly and suddenly said: "if this time u both conclude and everything goes well. then we have to hold a introduction meeting!" I wonder how a man can make the same mistakes in the same situations for hundreds of times! Didn't previouse experience made a good example for her?

It was wierd being on the net and chating with him in a serious way and make a plan for a date! I was compeletely panick! But when I opened my eyes I saw I'd ageed to meet him! God help me to be like a real lady, not an absent-minded, ridiculouse,naive girl!!

Marmar

*Last night I went to watch 4khoone but I was thinking about something I don't like to talk about... Jingool - my cellphone- was silent and Marmar was killing herself to talk to me. Dear sister saw the phone and told me. We talked about 45 minutes. I don't know what I said exactly but I understood - maybe for the 1000th time - that she is one of the best girls on the earth. She's so understanding that you can't imagine.

I didn't want to tell anything at first but... but I somehow felt she'll tell something, something that can help. She hesitated, then said maybe you should continue your friendship. You both will change and it can make things better. Don't bother youself anyway, try to be relaxed. The best things will happen in the future, I'm sure.

And it's really interesting that Veron said the same thing today when she called for the first time. I don't know what will happen. I'm just trying to forget somethings and remember somethings else. Rome wasn't built in one day or so!!! That's the point.

*Everytime I want to use "Everytime" in my sentences, I remember "Everytime I get next to you..."!!! A sentence from one of Kamran & Hooman's lyrics that One day a friend of mine wrote for me and it somehow brings back memories... And something else: When I try to use "Sometimes" instead of "Everytime", I remember a sentence which I heard from a clip in which Jennifer Lopez was singing "Sometimes I think that a true Love could never be..." That's why it's killing to use "Everytime" and "Sometimes" in my sentences!!!

*Stop using codes! Why are you always persisting in using long ways when there're shorter ones?
Answer: Shorter ways are not the best ways for sure! - clap for me! - and I know something now:
One day I was talking to a friend about the new version of Yahoo msgr! I was saying that I don't like it and the previous one was better for me and more enjoyable to use. He said why do you persist on using new versions of softwares? Use the one you are more satisfied with...
And now - as I said - it's difficult for me to drag the smileys I want to use from that pages to the editor of blogfa. It's more easy for me to copy>paste their codes between my sentences! So I can write all my posts offline, then I can go online and copy all the texts and codes and everything here! It's easier - more easy! - Believe me

*Marmar was online yesterday:
Marmar: I wanna tell you sth.
Maryami: What?
Marmar: May I build a new template for our blog?
Maryami: OUR blog?
Marmar:
Maryami: Ok, there's nothing wrong with a new template but if I don't like it, I won't use it haa!
Marmar: If you won't like it, you can tell me


And here is the result! I confess that it's really lovely but may I change the colors a bit?

*Me: Dear God!
Could you plz listen for a moment?
God: Of course! What do you want Maryami?
Me: Could I change the fate awaiting me? a bit?
God: What do you know about it?
Me:
God: Answer me!
Me:
God: ...
Me: Nothing in fact!
God: So what are you talking about dear?
Me: Let's do something. Shall we?
God: What?
Me: I'll wait for 3 years. You can do everything you want during this period. ok? I'll wait merely 3 years and not more. After that I'll leave everything, stop thinking to the past and be a new girl. It's not a menace. Consider it as a friendly conversation. I'm just pouring out my heart to you. Would it be ok?
God: Don't you want to tell sb. about it?
Me: Maybe someday, I'm not sure.. but no.. Just you and me. ok?
God: Ok :)

*Frist answers :D (che ghalataa!)
As I know, the equivalent of "for sure" is "motmaennan"... but we can use it in different ways. For more explanations look it up in your dictionary dear.
"More easy" and "Easier" are both corret, I'm sure. I saw this point in my grammar book some months ago.

*Explaining about reasons for sending an email can't be the most difficult question you are ever asked dear!
To tell you the truth, it's not a question at all. You should consider it as a simple sentence, just that! Are you used to answer all questions you are asked?!!!

A friend of mine told me once that there are very quick and easy answers to all of our questions. Sometimes we can find them without difficulties and most of the time we can't! This happens when the answers are important to us or when we know the answer but we don't like to accept it!

I remember his statement when I'm thinking about very important things in my life. I get confused because I don't know if my way is right or not! but there are days in our life that we must decide, we must choose.. There's no way to neglect happenings in life.

And don't expect yourself to choose the right thing! It's your right to make mistakes!
Sometimes we make a choice and after many years we realise that our decision has been corret.. or even wrong. There's no need to be worried that much dear. Just think and listen to your heart. Be sure that your angel will help you.

*Here I am!
I personally once made an English weblog which I never wrote in! Maybe I wasn't enough self-confidant - I'm still not! - ,but now here's a great opportunity to make use of Maryami's kindness () and improve my writting and try to use the words I've learnt so far.

*Dear Maryami:
Please don't kill me! I just inverted the colours of temp!  I hope you like it. (Such a shameless friend you have!!) But  if not, here's the genuine temp you'd chosen: ... Anyway this's your blog!
But say it honestly... Ain't it beautiful??
Ok Ok! Don't get angry!! Take it easy pal!

P.S: Stop using codes! Why are you always persisting in using long ways when there're shorter ones????

Marmar

*Marmar isn't satisfied with her translation skill and I'm going to kill myself because of my weak speaking ability. - I'm not terribe that much but ... - What's going on is that she is killing herself with watching movies and I'm eating my vocabulary books That's why we're going to speak in English on the phone and as you see, I have an English blog!

She said English diaries aren't enjoyable that much to read but I think even these terrible notes are better than nothing! So this is my first post in English.

*I can't forget you. I can't forgive you. I don't like to forgive you because I'm sure you haven'nt changed... But I love you more than anyone else who knows you. I like to be happy with you one more day. That's why I think of forgiving you sometimes but you are - I'm sorry :D - like an old dog that can't learn new tricks. I loved you someday but I don't understand my feeling tonight. I'm not sure in fact but you know what? Maybe it's the best way for me and best punishment for you.

Abandon my soul. Help me to be free from fragile memories. Understand, understand, understand. That's over.. For ever. hum?

*There are lots of interesing text files on my pc. One of them said: If It's Meant To Be, It Will Be! :) I'm sure...